The MRI results are in..

I was supposed to do another update on my health yesterday, but everything fell to pieces before I even had the chance to start typing. On Thursday I received the results from the MRI I had on May 18th, and I started reading about it on Wikipedia to understand more. It really didn't take long before I was so scared I decided to just close the browser and find something else to do instead. A few hours later I had what I believe was an anxiety attack. I say 'believe', because I honestly don't know how to tell whether it's anxiety or something completely different. I had just finished my dinner when I started feeling sick. My hands grew cold, I was sweating in my palms, my heart was pounding and the heart rate increased with about 20-30 beats per minutes. I was feeling stressed out, generally ill and this strange uneasy feeling was just flushing through me in waves. I have no idea how to explain it. Luckily I had no problems breathing, and I wasn't really feeling dizzy - maybe just a little bit, and it peaked quite quickly. I had to sit in the fresh air from the open porch door for a while, and then I decided to take an Atarax to see if it would do me any good. About 30 minutes later it kicked in, and everything went back to normal.. or I kept feeling uneasy the rest of the evening, and I almost didn't sleep, but today's been OK.

You might wonder what my results said? Traces of an infarction or blood clot in the right part of my cerebellum. It might seem like I'm a very lucky woman girl. I don't have any more details as of now because my neurologist on temporary leave, but I'll do another update as soon as I know more. In the meantime I'm on medication, feeling sorry for myself, trying to think about something completely different.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Isn't that the way the saying goes?


Cerebellum? Scarring?

It's been a while since the last time I wrote anything about my health, but it's been pretty much the same. Some days it's better, some days it's worse, but all-in-all it's at least better than it was when it was really bad. I don't think I shared, but I had a CT scan back in January. The CT scan was originally supposed to be an MRI, but someone along the way decided to change it into a CT scan instead. I wanted to have my head checked because I felt like it needed to be done, but in the hospital I was told that it was way too expensive to do without a suspicion of anything serious. Thankfully my doctor is one of the good doctors, he listened to me and ordered an MRI anyway (the one that turned into a CT scan). So, in late February I got a phone call from my doctor telling me that they had found some scarring on my cerebellum - they couldn't tell what might have caused it, or when it had happened - so he wanted to send me to a neurologist for more exams. In the meanwhile he wanted me to stop taking contraceptives immediately, and start on mild blood thinners to be on the safe side.

Today I went to see the neurologist, and man.. what a feeling. I finally felt like I was being heard when saying that there's something wrong with me! I think that alone is enough to make me feel a little better. I refuse to accept that this is all due to my low lung capacity, like they're trying to convince me of in the hospital. He was really nice, he listened and explained everything thoroughly. Apparently the scarring may very well be caused by a stroke, and I will now be examined as if that's the case. Once again I was nearly emptied for blood - OK, exaggerating a wee bit maybe - and now I'm waiting for an appointment for an MRI, for real this time, and of course the test results. Oddly enough I don't feel scared. If anything I feel relieved.. relieved to be heard, knowing that I'm not being hysterical, and the new hope of this being something that will eventually get better.