dysfunksjonell.no
27Jan/191

Et spakt farvel…

Så sitter jeg her da. Egentlig skulle jeg kommet hjem fra Dublin den 2., men slik ble det ikke. Jeg fikk influensa A, H1N1 eller svineinfluensa som det het i 2008, og ble innlagt på sykehus i ti dager. En opplevelse jeg kunne vært foruten, men det orker jeg ikke skrive mer om akkurat nå. Den 18. kunne jeg med stor glede vinke farvel til sykehuset fra helvete, og reise hjem med privatjet. Gleden over å være ute av sykehus ble forøvrig kortvarig, for da jeg kom hjem ble jeg sendt på St. Olavs med nyrestein - som visstnok kan oppstå ved langvarig sengeleie, men som sannsynligvis har kommet av en hverdag uten mulighet til å kunne drikke mer enn et par deciliter om dagen for å unngå å måtte tisse.

Dublin skulle gi meg energi. Mot. Livsglede. Og styrke til å fortsette kampen som aldri synes å ta slutt. Slik ble det heller ikke. Dublin ble frustrasjon. Sorg. Fortvilelse. Slett ikke det det skulle bli. Jeg orker ikke skrive mer om det heller. Jeg orker egentlig ingenting. En kort stund forsøkte jeg å tenke at dersom jeg overlevde svineinfluensaen med min tragiske lungekapasitet, så kunne det vel bare gå oppover derfra, men det var ønsketenkning jeg burde lært at bare er fjas.

Jeg tror det er på tide å avslutte denne dagboken. Etter 17 år føler jeg ikke at jeg har mer å si, mer å tilføre. Jeg har rett og slett ikke mer å gi. Verden raser sammen rundt meg, og det er ingenting jeg kan gjøre for å stoppe det.

15Dec/180

15th word: “Cold”

There is really not much to say about it, but it's cold as fuck in Trondheim now.

14Dec/180

14th word: “Whisky”

As some of you might very well know, one of my biggest passions are whisky. And whiskey. Maybe mostly the latter. My passions seem to fluctuate from time to time, but whisky has been an interest for a few years now - and I have been drinking it for almost 15.

For a while I spent as much time as I could at a pub here in Trondheim, and I even became a member of Trondheim Whiskyklubb where I could share my passion with others. One and a half year passed and things changed, so I started looking for another water hole... which I really didn't find, as not many pubs in Trondheim have such a large selections of whisky and an accessible toilet. You drink, you pee, it's not rocket science. So for about six months I tried finding a place and even though I didn't really succeed, I met new and extraordinary people, I found other options and started feeling a lot happier.

I have learned a lot about whisky since I ventured on to another turf, and my collection might have grown by a bottle or two. The other day I even guessed a whisky I had never tasted before, based on the cask. And honestly... I cannot wait till I'm back in Dublin, drinking my way through the gorgeous city!

Whiskey, here I come!

12Dec/180

12th word: “Planning”

See, this is going just great! Who am I kidding? Planning to do something really isn't working out for me. Days are racing by and I'm getting more and more stressed out every minute. Why, you ask? Well, my holiday trip to Ireland is coming up very soon, and there's like a million things to fix before leaving. At least I got paid yesterday, so I won't be traveling like a hobo like I was afraid I might have to.

To be completely honest, I don't really remember what I did yesterday. I don't think I did anything special really. I mainly spend my days planning for the trip, trying not to forget anything crucial. I have also pulled up my Google Maps and started planning what else I would like to do, experience, taste or try when back in Dublin. We all know it'll be a couple of tipples at least!

Oh! The "annual" checkup, that's right. I totally forgot. It went very well actually. Or at least as good as it could without drawing blood from my artery. Yeah, no. That ain't happening. Apparently my lungs have decided to just... stay stable, so there was no worsening, which I'm quite happy about. They are planning to admit me in Feb to do a full workup, so I'll have more details after that.